GRADUATION FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL!!!!

Here he is stepping into the hood!

And here is his beaming face!

I made us walk across campus to the U statue. (Think the Aggie A at Utah State.) It was hot and humid, but I'm so glad we'll have these photos forever to remember Miami and medical school. Only the good parts-haha! Also that gorgeous banyan tree behind is massive!

There he is! The man of the hour! M.D, M.P.H

 

The gang's all here!

Gosh, guys.

We came home, in Miami traffic (shuddering the entire time at the memories of that traffic) and got wings because it is Sterling's favorite. 

Wow. Graduation. I can't decide if I should just leave it at that, have the photos, and move on. But that would be a little sad for posterity's sake. Medical school was not at all what we anticipated. From the majority of people that I talked to, it was difficult but doable-that husbands had to study every evening, but that they could break for two hours for dinner and family time. That they had a good group of solid friends who were also students to help them along. Etc, etc. Those were the ideas I started this journey with. Then we moved to Miami and had endless difficulties with our landlord, resulting in us losing a couple thousand dollars and finally moving out. But that was after TWO YEARS of trying to make it work. Through things like taking three kids three and under to a laundromat regularly and sopping up soiled toilet water spilling all over my floors at regular intervals, and ants, and not working appliances, and a kitchen that basically didn't work. We were also told by a lot of people not to live in downtown Miami because it was not kid friendly and if you lived in the nice pockets, it was too expensive. Which is TRUE, but that meant we lived south of Miami and Sterling had to commute. Miami is an insanely huge city, the likes of which we had never known. Because his commute was so long, and made longer if he tried to come home during rush hour, he left before we were awake and came home after the kids were in bed. I was home alone with three kids ages three and under all by myself ALL DAY LONG. Add to that the culture shock. The very first day we arrived in Miami we went to Walmart to pick up a few things. Due to the CRAZY HUMIDITY that we were not accustomed to, in addition to the heat, I wanted to grab some otter pops for the kids. I talked to four workers who only spoke Spanish and never did find out where they were. The check-out line also took 45 minutes to get through. I thought it was a fluke. AHHHAAAHAAA. AHHAAHAAA. It was real life. For the next three years. Only Spanish speakers. Only long lines. I might still have PTSD from grocery shopping there and trying to entertain my kids for an hour while waiting to buy our food. Our ward was also bilingual, which was a phenomenally fun and enlightening and broadening and cool experience--and also really difficult. I only survived because of two mothers who took me under their wings and even then there was a day I convinced Sterling not to go and we drove to Key Largo and went to the beach instead because going made me want to cry. (Don't read that mom---I barely admit it to myself. But there we go.) 

I mean I could talk about the driving myself to the hospital to deliver my baby, the terrible hospitals there, the scary hospital Sterling worked at that I wouldn't even get out of the car to drop him off, I'd just crawl over the seats. The crazy street vendors that meandered in and out of 50 mph traffic. The nannies at the playground in scrubs. 

Sterling worked so hard but we seemed to hit setback after setback. We took a step forward and three steps back it seemed like, for three years. We saw each other approximately zero hours ever and were both barely surviving which made it hard to be happy and nice to each other when we did see each other. We struggled and it was really, really hard.  We did all of those big life challenges--moving (three times), having a baby (three times), switching jobs (kind of like switching rotations), student loans and finances, lack of sleep, postpartum hormones, high stress student anxieties, I mean---we were trying to do all the hard things all at once. And people told me it was all about balance and I just wanted to laugh. And cry. There was no balance. And yet--we'd have those perfect moments and perfect days set in. And we'd smile at each other and just know that someday it would be worth it. It would! We supported each other. But we also got angry and annoyed at each other. We lost sight and we lost the feeling that someone had our back. We fought and then supported and continued to try. In the best ways we knew how. Sometimes it didn't seem enough and other times it was perfectly enough. I think I want to bring this up because I feel like we did everything right that we possibly could have in our lives to set us up for success and it felt like such a RIGHT decision for both of us and it was still so difficult. Most days were just normal life days and some days were harder. But I learned. And I grew. And I want to send out loads of encouragement and love to everyone who is learning and growing even though it's hard. And you cry. And then you get back up. And that is the TRUE beauty of the human spirit. We did this thing. And it means a whole lot more to our family than a plaque on a wall. 

BUT I can look back and remember SO MUCH GOOD. Remembering Sterling scrub our first apartments' living room tile for 5 hours on our hands and knees and using an entire container of Ajax because he knew how my fat and pregnant self just couldn't handle the thought of having a tiny baby in such a disgusting apartment. Remembering some of our incredible friends, game nights and bbqs and beach days and how much they loved our babies. Sterling had INCREDIBLE hospital opportunities and diversity experiences that he really couldn't have had anywhere else in the US. He also ate incredible food because all the faculty and staff are crazy wealthy Miami Beach people that took students to crazy expensive restaurants, haha. The ZOO---SUCH good memories of that magical place! Our week in the Keys was the memory of a lifetime for sure. We have done airboat rides and 15 miles bike rides in the Everglades. We've tried out Cuban and Jamaican and other crazy Latin foods---and the CEVICHE and MANGOES are incredible!!!! AHHHHH! I could keep going. Suffice to say, we learned at ton. We definitely enjoyed life. And while I would never want to relive it-- I am thankful for the experiences. We talk about some of the things we learned, and I don't think we could have grown so much and in the same ways through any other experience. And I am very grateful. 

Moving to Delray Beach for our clinical years was amazing. It's still big and mom still commented on driving in six lanes of traffic (at least its not 8??), but it's much more suburban. We are much closer to the beach and so we actually get to enjoy Florida. Actually, mileage wise we are about the same as when we lived in Miami, but traffic wise we can get there in 15 minutes versus 45 or 60 minutes in Miami. We have a great community. The cost of living is still astronomical but our ward is lovely and we have a cute neighborhood Walmart two minutes from our house that has self checkout and no lines. We love our elementary school and get to walk there on a cute little walking path every single morning. It's unreal and amazing. We really love Delray and if not for the distance to family, we are incredibly happy here.

Like I said before, Sterling has mentioned several times how he has been able to experience things here that he could not have anywhere else. And he is SO glad he was able to do the Masters of Public Health as well as getting his MD. It was something he actually and truly loved and a part of his medical school education that he looked forward to and found incredibly rewarding and shaped what he decided to go into. Sterling also loved his small class size due to the dual degree program which allowed for a lot of personal attention (which also might have meant more hours from home...but hey). He also LOVED the patient population he worked with-people would travel from all over for the specialty care-as well as seeing the Haitians, Dominicans, Cubans, Honduran, all Latin American populations- and then seeing the high prevalence rates that are here including HIV especially. I only drove into Little Haiti (a portion of Miami) once to drop him off for a health fair, and that was another time I didn't get out of the van! He also dealt with extremely liberal class mates, who we liked to tease because their backgrounds were nothing at all like our own (they were all mostly single child, Ivy League undergrads whose parents were paying for all of their school and expenses....but I shouldn't say all, there were a few who weren't, and even a few who were married!) but they were also smart and driven and gave a lot of insight into world views we were less familiar with. It was enlightening and broadening and diversifying and interesting and.....still hard. Ha. But good! So good!

I was able to make fantastic friends in Miami (most who were going to University of Miami for graduate school but not med school) and like I said--how can you look back on something that you learned so much from and not be grateful and amazed at how life turned out? 

It's been an incredibly crazy journey. We learned a heck of a whole lot about life. Nitty gritty life lessons that we wished we didn't know but couldn't be us without! 

THANK YOU UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI FOR THE TIME OF OUR LIVES!

AND THANK YOU STERLING for the hours and hours and hours of studying and driving and commuting (right now and for the last year without A/C in crazy hot weather) and working on projects and intense lack of sleep and STILL showing up as a dad. Not as much as we BOTH would have liked--but you did. And our kids adore you. And I adore watching you with our kids. And we both have high hopes for more hours together in the future!

As for me, well I learned a lot about myself in the last five years. I learned a lot about how imperfect I am and how challenging things can be for me--it makes me feel like I was skating through life during my first 25 years and suddenly I'm a real person, haha! I'm still nowhere near the mom I want to be but I know I can do better and I also know that I'm slogging through this learning curve with the best of the best. I've also learned that no instagram account or parenting book can do anything near what the Lord can do for your parenting and for your marriage. I've also learned so much about patience and yet still have so little of it--when do the life lessons you've learned actually stick? ha! 

Above all, I've spent five years doing exactly what I've always dreamed--being home with my five little humans who make me laugh, and cry, and want to pull my hair out, every single day. And every single day I get this overwhelming feeling, at least once, that they are growing up before my very eyes and I don't want them to! I want to freeze time! This is what I've been waiting my whole life for and guys, it is flying! They say funny things and cute things and incredibly smart things and give me so so many hugs and kisses and hold out their fingers for kisses and hugs and smiles. They want to be rocked to sleep and they are sweet smelling and soft after the bath. They smell sweaty and I still love smelling them. In the midst of the constant bickering that I feel is especially strong in our household right now, and even though Sterling has been gone for two weeks and I'm wondering why in the world I wanted this---I love it. I love it with my whole entire heart. I am living my dream. And I am so so grateful Sterling supported my dream during the craziness of med school. Love of my life, it's been a wild ride. Part of me hopes it is never this wild again, but another part of me is so grateful for the crazy ride that I hope it never ends.

We went to the beach in the morning BEFORE graduation, but I didn't think it right to start the post without actual graduation photos, haha. We are so glad Cindy and my mom made the trip! It made it so special and exciting! It meant the world to Sterling.