Goals + Schedules

I do use a paper and pen planner for every day. This was to put out the overall things that I don't usually write down.

I did a thing! I really enjoy organizing. I like to structure things. I like lists and I like schedules. This past week I have listened to the Mom Conference (some of it) and to General Conference (also some of it...hopefully I'll catch up soon!) and had so many great ideas, but also so much overwhelm on how to instigate all of it and how to make it happen. I felt sooooo much pressure after General Relief Society meeting. I mean, it's my sole responsibility to make ALL the church learning and things happen in my home?!?!? I think working together with my husband, we can make those things happen in our home. But it is true, and I've known this since before Conference, that I am the mom who is home and spending the most time with my children, and therefore some extra responsibility falls on me. Not that knowing that makes it any easier. I felt like I couldn't get a good grasp on what *exactly* I was trying to find time for and how it would look like in a given day, so I started out with the above schedule, which is basically what our week looks like right now. 

In BOLD RED (which is a little hard to see on my tiny picture) I put the things that I am always feeling guilty about not getting to. Namely, scripture study in the morning, a devotional with my kids in the morning before school, FHE, and scriptures in the evening. What is so interesting is that even though these things are the guilt-bringers when they don't happen, and I know I want them to be a priority, nothing I was doing was making them a priority. 

Another thing I noticed is that I have almost SIX HOURS of me-all-by-myself-in-charge-of-all-the-kids in the afternoon/evening. That is a marathon! Sterling is rarely home for dinner and that is not likely to change between now and December. And even if we get a brief reprieve, I've heard first year interns get pretty long hours. Instead of hoping and yearning for the days when I have a husband in the evening, I really needed to schedule those six hours so that I could survive all on my own and in a way that made our family happy and reduced my stress and guilt about how things went.

The first thing I did was put in an activity hour, after chores and before dinner. This is hard because it means dinner needs to be made earlier in the day, but if I take the time to make that happen, then I can spend an hour enjoying myself with my kids instead of snapping at them. And hopefully my willpower will not be reduced so quickly and I will be able to hold it together long enough for a pleasant family dinner. 

Another change was putting in dishes. I usually do all the dishes after the kids are in bed. Because my kids are at the stage where I still have to 'teach' dishes and that is a great drain on my willpower. Draining my willpower is a term I learned a few years ago--every decision we make throughout the day drains our willpower so that by the evening we usually hit *witching hour* without any willpower which makes decision making and energy at a zero. So I'd given up on dishes and I just went right ahead with bedtime and did dishes after. But I really do want my kids to help, and they are really great helpers, so I wanted that to get instigated. But that means that somehow I have to have that happy attitude and still have patience to help teach. After already teaching homework, piano, chores, and anything else that afternoon.

OH and if you notice, Monday morning has Mastering Adulthood. I saw this on an organizational thing--but they had specific things to do each day of the week to make your day more organized. Basically it was set up how I already set my life up--but Mondays they added Mastering Adulthood. Going through all the paperwork, paying bills, clearing off the computer desk, etc, etc. I have never really put that into my day before--I always schedule finances with Sterling, which never really happens because he is busy, so then I do it myself here and there when I know things have to be done. And I usually end up with a big pile of papers that every month or so I have to go through and shred/keep for kids boxes/file/throw away and it's a massive job. I now do it on Mondays when I am fresh and most energized for the week ahead and then feel happy all week long that I have a clear desk in our bedroom. Haha, such a small thing but I have loved it!

Seeing all of this time-blocked out and color coded made me really happy. Mostly because I like lists and schedules. But also it made me realize 'No wonder I die every single evening! Six hours is forever!' Nothing really new came from it, except that it gave me a better perspective on planning my entire day. Instead of running like crazy in the morning, when I have full energy and like to do a lot, I've tried to slow down a bit so that I have some energy left for the afternoon marathon. 

I was already menu planning, I already had a very set schedule for my mornings that I mostly follow, I already have a chore chart for my kids to follow in the afternoon and a pretty regular routine. But seeing it all laid out was helpful because I could see where the holes were and most importantly, where my MAJOR priorities were that just weren't happening. Now I feel like I can pinpoint those couple of things, focus on making those happen, and then if all else falls apart, I won't feel like I am spiritually failing my children as a teacher and trainer in all of the things that the church talked about implementing. I can comfort myself in the evening with the thought that at least we did those couple of things and that is what matters most to me.

Making a weekly schedule in the format that I did made it difficult to add in weekly and yearly goals that I've been mulling over for our family. And since I was on a roll, I made another page with just notes--notes of things that were talked about in the conferences, goals, and then traditions. I've said it multiple times on this blog, and it's probably the part of me that loves scheduling, but I think traditions are really, really important. And right now while my children are small I think it is really easy to pick such tiny, simple things to be traditions and they love it and will remember it as they grow older, when things can fluctuate and be less rigid of traditions because they won't be tiny little kids anymore. 

We have daily traditions like Haws Hug (a group hug on our knees after family prayer) and Happys&Sads at the dinner table. Over the years I've implemented some holiday traditions--we always dye easter eggs, we have a Back to School Feast, Christmas Eve hoagies/pajamas/and nativity, Valentine envelopes and green milk for St. Patrick's Day. Mostly that page was to write down some of the thoughts I have and keep it in one spot so that I can remember. It did make me realize that we have a small little tradition for almost every month. I was thinking I might make it the first FHE of every month--kind of usher in the season--and that would be a very easy and sustainable way to fit in some of these simple traditions. Basically, I'm glad I wrote it out so I could see what we've been doing and I could compare it with the tumbleweed of thoughts in my head.

I took the advice of one of the Mom Conference speakers and I made mom a 'job'. I bought myself a cute notebook and pens and folder for the most important things that I want to continue working on--and made myself a little workroom. Also, chai, because drinking chai with that candle going made it almost feel like fall here.

I printed off this chart to keep track of finishing the Book of Mormon by the end of the year!

The other thing that has been rolling around in my head quite a lot since this mom conference is finding joy. One entire day of the conference had speakers addressing the topic "Overwhelm" and figuring out what we are trying to accomplish in our home. Of course I LOVED the speakers that had systems and charts and goals--because that is my language! But the speakers that spoke on mom care I wanted to just skip over, because I have this thought that I should just pull myself up by my bootstraps and soldier on and work hard! I've never identified with moms who find themselves feeling 'lost' or extremely unhappy transitioning to motherhood. I truly feel like it is my most important purpose and it's all I've ever wanted to be. But I do find myself getting more focused on the tedious and less focused on the joy. It was nice to have some time to listen to speakers and reflect on what brings me joy. 

It was encouraged, so I made a list (typical me, ha!). Things that bring me joy:

 going to the gym

taking pictures

blogging/journaling

playing the piano

self-care

going out for a treat

being outside/swimming/hiking

game nights

Then I looked at my scheduled day and made sure that I fit a few of those things in. I tell other med school wives all the time that the most important thing is to follow your dreams while your husband is following his, otherwise you will be resentful. I tell them that is why we continued to have children during med school despite the financial hardships that come with that decision. Because it is my dream. My dream to have kids while I am young enough to enjoy and play and have energy with them. My dream to have more than two kids (which might have been the case had we waited to have children until Sterling finishes school when we are 34 years old). My dream to be a mother. My dream to stay home with my children. Because I have been able to follow this dream, I have not been as resentful about the massive amount of effort his dream takes from our family. Sterling said once "You know, I would not even blink an eye if you had, at any point, said you wanted to work. It would have seemed crazy in our current society to even think of holding you back from whatever career dreams you had! We would have found childcare and made it work. But people don't think of motherhood like that, they act as if we are adding huge burdens to our family. They don't think of it as fulfilling our dreams that are just as valid as career choices." The world has changed. 

Being home doesn't have to be ALL drudgery! You can't take away the soiled sheets that sometimes happen, or the spills at dinner, the constant laundry and dirty bathrooms and constant need to be teaching and redirecting. But I guess my takeaway from the mom conference this year was that I should focus on bringing some joy in for myself, even just little things, to brighten my day. I don't have to take an entire photography course--I can just schedule my day a little better to try and grab thirty minutes with my nice camera while my kids are at the park. Things like this are my new goal. Because if I work on scheduling my happiness, my willpower will be less decreased by the time that *witching hour* rolls around and hopefully I can make it through that 6 hour marathon with more grace and patience and a higher happiness level in our home. Make it Christ-centered. Which is the ultimate goal.