New Years Resolutions

No pictures, again. I got a new phone because Sterling's phone died so he took my android and I got an apple. But I put my photos from the android onto his computer because I was really, really struggling figuring out how to download apps and things to get them onto my apple computer. So it was a million times easier to put them on his computer and then just get a thumb drive and put them onto mine. We just haven't done that yet. So pictures will eventually be coming.

In the meantime, resolutions.

I love New Years Resolutions. For the past several years I have picked a word. A word that sort of encompasses the ideas and hopes that I want to work on and work towards throughout the year. This year I picked:

HUMOR

I've thought a lot about my parenting this year. I've been following three instagram parenting coaches and reading a few books and trying to make sure I was doing x, y, and z to make my home a happy place and improve my relationship with my kids and really be effective and having positivity in our home. I've been implementing quite a few things, all of which are good and going well and I will continue. But I keep getting back to the thought that basically, I just need to lighten up. ENJOY them. Laugh with them. Choose the humor. Ignore more of the junk and let loose and play. Don't take myself or them so seriously.

"FIND HAPPINESS IN ORDINARY THING AND KEEP YOUR SENSE OF HUMOR." Boyd K. Packer

Normally I would put up a quote that went along with my word, but this has actually been on our bedroom mirror for a year now. I love it so much. And for some reason it is so hard. I actually put this up in regards to marriage. I pretty much haven't seen Sterling since before this summer. He started his surgery rotation a few weeks before we left for Utah. Then we were in Utah for 8 weeks. Then he's been in hard rotations that take a lot of his time and leave a few wee hours of the morning for his studying. He's been ground to the dust. Pulverized. And it just got more and more stressful until after his test the first week of January. Which meant when we DID see each other I thought we had all this important stuff to do. But if I just laid back and ENJOYED having him around---it was so much better!

So obviously, this is a goal that would help me in all aspects of my life, not just parenting.

The other quote I love is "Make the choice to be a light-bringer." Chieko Okazaki. I actually love that one so much I want it to be our family theme for next school year. But that's what I want. I want to be that for my family, for myself, for my memories. I think that if I can achieve that, I can look back on my life and be fulfilled.

How do I break down that goal? I want to laugh---more than 5x a day. Obviously, I'm not going to be counting, but I want some really good belly laughs in my days. I want to mop up the 5th spilled cup of milk and still be singing with my kids and teaching them, instead of feeling anger. I want to feel anger much less in general--most things in life at the stage my family is at are so easily fixed. I should enjoy the messes and be less OCD about cleanliness. I want to plan in happiness for my day. Instead of making check lists, try to schedule so that I'm allowing for free/fun time instead of filling my moments with what I should be doing.

I broke down my goal setting this year into Spiritual, Physical, Educational, and Social.

For social I made the goal to plan something in the morning with friends once a month. Again, trying to see the light side of life and be a light-bringer. I think most stay-at-home moms enjoy getting together with friends but it's tricky. We have a playgroup once a week, but I was thinking of planning something like an EAT CAKE brunch or a favorite things party. We don't need to find a babysitter to enjoy time together! And this is a great goal because it would pull me out of my introversion that stay-at-home motherhood sometimes enhances. I also made the goal to go on dates with Sterling, maybe even weekly?, and to take one child each month on a date--this can be showing up to eat lunch with them at school or anything like that if we can't find an evening due to Sterling's crazy schedule. Also I want to chat with my kids on their bed each night.

Physical--go to bed even when Sterling is up studying, find a gym class that I like to attend regularly, and then Sterling and I signed up for a 5k in April. Maybe I can convince him to do a half marathon after that?! I just got myself a Garmin for my 30th birthday coming up (what?!!?!) and I'm pretty excited.

Educational--I want to learn to play a new song each month on the piano. This brings me a lot of light/enjoyment and it's something I don't make time for. Read one book per month. Read chapter books out loud to kids, not just picture books.

Spiritual--My big one for this is phone use/screen time. I want to pretty much cut out all screen time in our house except for family wii on bad weather Sundays when we can't go on our usual walk and family movie nights. I want to not use my phone in the morning at all until the kids have gone to school and between the hours of 2-7pm when the kids are home from school and not during dinner or on Sundays. Obviously pulling it out to chat with family or when the kids are in bed or napping, it's not a huge deal. But I want my kids to see me this year, not a screen. I knew it would be tricky because I'm nursing, but I do feel like I am making strides already. Scripture study daily. Why is regular scripture study so hard when you have babies and they never keep a schedule?!?  That is always a goal. I put up the question "How have you seen God and felt Him as your partner in motherhood?" or in life. I want to keep the awareness that God is my partner. It is something I heard last year that really struck me.

Along with spiritual is the new Come Follow Me for church. Sterling and I *just* sat down last night to figure out our goals for that. I tell ya, January was crazy. We have some ideas, and I would like to do a morning devotional along with our Sunday study, so wish us luck!

Humor. We got this. 2019 has a lot of 'unknowns' for us as med students hopefully moving up to residents, but it's going to be a good year! Even if we spend the next three years in Florida (ugh. pray that's not really the case. but maybe I'll be able to laugh about it?!?!)

After Baby

I know that I am super behind on posting this, but January was kind of a wash for me. The first week Sterling was intensely studying, my niece Olivia flew here to help me with the kids since he was so busy, and then school started, Sterling had a couple weeks of a super busy sub internship, and suddenly it's the last week of January!

First off, Olivia was an absolute lifesaver. She pretty much woke up, helped me feed my kids breakfast, and then immediately took them out of the house. We had incredible weather while she was here and she was super excited about having the beach ten minutes away (the kids seemed less thrilled, they are so used to it, but always came home exclaiming that they had so much fun) and it was perfect. She took them to the beach, the park, out for ice cream, and the pool. She took them to the beach and then to the pool on a few days which was awesome because then all the sand went to the pool and not my house haha! She also played card games with them almost every evening-we may have converted her to the amazingness of Sleeping Queens and DragonWood) and sang them songs and MOST IMPORTANTLY chased and chased and chased and chased Russell around and around. I actually think the transition to having a baby around was so easy for him because he still had so much attention for so long after the baby was born. First mom and then Olivia just were so amazing at playing with him (he is busy and exhausting but he is also SO much fun!) that he had the baby and attention simultaneously and then when they left he was used to her. I could go on and on about Olivia and her greatness. Suffice it to say, I had days and days that week where I only had to do laundry and cook meals and that is REALLY easy when there is no child care involved at the same time. I will forever love her. Haha. I'm also pretty positive that I was not that helpful when I helped her mom out after Garrett and Brynne were born. But then again, I was only 12 and could not drive. I do remember swimming laps upon laps around their pool with Little Megan on my back, so there's that. I was nervous that there would be a lot of screen time over Christmas break because of the baby and how much time they had off (they were off until January 9th) and I am so grateful that they got so much outside playtime!!!

Backing up, mom flew in when I was still in the hospital. She came Monday morning and I had Grace Monday night. There is no better peace of mind leaving your kids than when your mom has them. And she was incredible. She did all the things. School drop-offs, pick-ups, lunches, naps, swimming lessons, Christmas programs, pajama school days, homework, piano practice, chores. The kids didn't even notice I was gone. I always wish my mom could stay forever. She does all the wonderful mom things. Like make fudge. And caramels. Buy Chinese food. Wrap presents and hide the under my bed for Christmas. I felt like everything was a whirlwind and I blinked and she was leaving! By the end of her week here she knew everyone's names that walk their kids to and from school in our neighborhood (she kept telling me things and using their names and I'd be like "I don't know peoples names, they just walk to school by me and I nod and say hi" and she'd know their whole life history, I just love that woman!) and she knew all the families that frequent our neighborhood park (my running buddy Megan that I haven't ran with since training for my half!) she knew the best grocery stores for hard to get items like anise, and the best grocery store to just run to late at night. She knew all about my kids' social life and who their friends were and who was in their swimming lesson class and what they needed to work on for next time we do lessons to pass their level. She is amazing. Thank you, mom, for taking such good care of my little family! I love her.

We did Christmas Eve pajamas a day early so mom could join in the fun, and she flew out and we had Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together as a family. Sterling wanted to be studying, but after putting in some hours on Christmas Eve morning, he spent the rest of the time with us. We had our traditional hoagie meal and nativity and played games. Christmas was magical--our kids are at the very best age and they were so happy about everything, no grumps or sadness!!

The day after Christmas and the following three days our bishop's wife came and watched our kids for about three hours at the park by our house and I slept or showered. It was such a tender mercy. I knew Sterling needed to be studying, but our baby was just a week old! Thanks to her I felt like I could handle the rest of the day because she gave me those few hours. Plus, when she brought the kids back it was time for Russ to take a nap, so I could just lay him down and I really only had to deal with him in the afternoons and evenings. Our ward was also PHENOMENAL at bringing us meals. I say this with so much gratitude because I have honestly never had meals from a ward after having a baby. In Utah, they assumed my family would do it. After Molly we had a night that the medical students brought us about 12 fully cooked meals on one night (how do you even store that much cooked and hot food?!?!?!?!? They obviously were not the best planners) but none from our ward. After Russ our ward did bring a couple, but twice we actually threw it away and Sterling ordered pizza. It really was that bad. Guys. But since our ward combined and we have a new presidency and basically a new ward (Delray Beach was so so small and joining Boynton gave us so many more members!) we were blessed this round. We had four meals brought spaced out over the week after mom left and they were delicious. Really good food. And the last one was pizza, on the night we normally have movie night, and they brought enough for lunches for the next two days---which lengthened out my not having to cook even further. It was seriously the best ever. THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Then Olivia came. And then the kids started back at school.

But my recovery was so easy that by then, almost three weeks later, I felt so good and was so ready to be out and about again. I have to say I think this was the best postpartum experience I have had. If I could have always planned it like this, I would have. And Olivia was the answer to my prayers! I had worried so much about that week that my kids were still out of school and my baby was still so tiny! And I am so grateful mom spent the busiest week of the year--the week before Christmas--just dropping everything and spending it here.

Low on Iron

Everyone keeps asking me how I am doing postpartum and how I am managing with FIVE. The answer? FANTASTIC! I haven't felt this great in MONTHS!

And I'm totally serious.

At my dr. appointment last week, he told me that next year at my annual appointment he wants me to get a CBC to check my iron levels. He wants to make sure that there isn't something else happening so that my iron levels are low, because even for pregnancy, they were REALLY low. (Quick reference, normal is above 12. Normal for pregnancy is above 9. Mine were 7.2. They usually give you infusions or blood transfusions at 8.)

To start the story, my iron levels were low at my check up before I left for Utah (just before 12 weeks) and he prescribed iron. But...I've been prescribed iron my entire life and I seem to just always sit a little low (like at 11, just low enough that I'm fine but I can't donate blood). So while I did take it now and again when I remembered, I was definitely not a stellar patient. When I got back from Utah two months later, the front desk lady called after an appointment and said my iron levels were REALLY low and I needed to take two iron pills, preferably with orange juice so they would work better. Again, I was kind of like "It's really no big deal guys, but okay.". I know, I'm a terrible person. But I DID actually start taking my iron and occasionally even with juice when I had it around. THEN they took my blood for my last trimester and said YOU HAVE TO HAVE IRON INFUSIONS OR YOU WILL HAVE A BLOOD TRANSFUSION AT DELIVERY! I got it. I truly did. My doctor said he was impressed I was standing and doing everything and not just fainting all the time. (Sterling said that was an exaggeration.)

That was a looooong introduction to the actual meat of the story that I wanted to get to.

I didn't feel any different after the first iron infusion. They said it can take 3-6 weeks to feel any effects. I had three infusions in three weeks. All on Fridays. On the day of the third infusion I went into labor and then they stopped my labor, and then I had her on Monday. So there really wasn't any time for that iron to 'feel' like it kicked in. I was supposed to feel less exhausted and have more energy.

This is the tricky part. I'm not sure it is just the iron that is making me feel so great right now. I mean, this was probably not the worst pregnancy anyone has every experienced, but it was definitely not the best. I was sick and nauseous and throwing up like always, but LUCKILY the anti nausea I was put on this time WORKED! (It didn't work with Russ and I just threw up five to eight times a day for six months. Yay.) So I felt pretty great on that front. At 12 weeks (right around the time I ran the half marathon) my varicose veins, which I also had with Russ, started popping out right and left and ACHING. They had never ached that bad with a previous pregnancy and it was so rough. Every morning I stood up and then instantly sat back down because the rush of blood ached SOOOO bad through my legs. The worst thing ever. I was wearing compression tights round the clock which helped some, but not a ton. Plus it was summer so they were itchy and it was the worst.  I also get a varicose vein right below one breast. I've had it for my last three pregnancies, with Russ they even did an ultrasound on it to make sure it wasn't cancer, haha. Nope, just a nasty varicose vein. But for whatever reason, if I laid wrong while sleeping it would just SHOOT pain and I would want to scream and cry and grab Sterling. He would fuzzily rub/swipe at my shoulder to make me feel better, and I would try to rub the pain away. The worst thing ever. I remember it being awful and horrible with my last pregnancy, but man. It was every night 2-3 times a night. Talk about not sleeping at all! Also...heartburn. I always get heartburn while pregnant. Popping tums over here like they were my best friend. Oh, and I remember another weird pregnancy symptom. I got a geographic tongue. I looked it up. It can just happen during pregnancy. So weird. Basically it just looks different and is more sensitive to sour/sweet/minty toothpaste. It's normal now--looks perfectly fine. I just noticed this morning while brushing my teeth haha.

I thought all my pregnancy exhaustion was due to having 4 kids to chase after--namely, Russ. And that me not being able to walk my kids to school and back was due to the waddling and the varicose veins aching.

And maybe it was.

But looking back I think a lot of it had to do with being SO LOW on iron. Because now I feel like I basically dance all the way to their school and back, TWICE, every day, and I LOVE it. It feels like a glorious little walk. But during my pregnancy? If I walked them to school, I was DOWN for the rest of the day. Literally. I mean, I took a nap every single day of this pregnancy (and I am not a nap person. This was desperation. I have never been so grateful to lay Russ down and then immediately sleep myself. Molly learned on the days she didn't have school to occupy herself while Russ slept because mama took a nap as well.) but if I put in as much effort as to walk that half a mile? I would be on the couch parenting from there until the kids were in bed.

But I didn't think too much of it. I was still functioning. I drove the kids most of the way to school and walked them down the last street. I still made dinner. Still grocery shopped (although my legs ached and I felt exhausted afterwards...but that is normal pregnancy, right?) and went to kids activities, took them to swimming lessons, did dishes, cleaned the house, did laundry (sitting down, hello varicose veins) and all the normal things. I wasn't falling behind on anything. I was surviving, and even enjoying life, even though it seemed SO DANG TIRING.

But now?!?!? I told Sterling I felt like I was dancing through life suddenly. I can pick up Russ (woah! and not die of exertion!) and swing him around, and tickle him and dance with him and chase after him...not just once, but multiple times in a row. I can PLAY with my kids! I walk to and from school twice a day and still have energy for grocery shopping and more! Instead of kissing my kids at the bottom of the stairs and sending them up to bed, I walk up with them and tuck them in and it doesn't even feel like a chore and like every step of the stairs is silently trying to kill me. I don't even think about it and I have enough energy to go back up and sing another song if needed. It's amazing!

What is so amazing is the comparison. I thought I was doing just fine. Exhausted, pregnant, but totally fine. I wasn't depressed or anything, just needed a regular nap and to really plan my life so too much wasn't on one day. BUT now that I am not pregnant and I have a full tank of energy, I feel like I am on a post-workout high all of the time and I'm thinking, how wonderful is this?

I think it was the iron. And I'm kind of annoyed I didn't work that out earlier.

Looking back I can even pinpoint when I started feeling so, so tired. The reunion. I ran the half marathon a couple weeks before. Felt fabulous. The reunion was hot and tiring. My feet were swollen and lugging Russ around felt like this ginormous chore. The next week I spent babysitting for my sister Kami in Wyoming. I took two naps a day, no joke. I felt SO TIRED. I thought that maybe the reunion took much more out of this pregnant girl than I realized and I needed to reboot. And just for the record Kam, I still feel SOOOO bad about that week. Your poor kids probably think I'm the worst person in the world. I fed them, I dressed them, I cleaned up, I was around. But I did not play or do ANYTHING exciting the entire four days I was there. I have memories of one of my cousins babysitting me when my parents were in Taiwan for one week. I must have really not wanted her to be there, because I was really mad about the entire situation. I hid under my bed so she couldn't find me. It wasn't until I got MUCH older that I realized she probably was a nice person, it was just unfortunate that she was not my mother during that week, haha. I hope none of Kami's kids have those kind of memories of me! At least no one hid from me! Her kids were actually stellar and played really well the entire time. The older kids were a bit bored, but they had books they were working on to earn money so I just redirected to that? But poor Elena *did* help out with a very sad, very whiney Efraim a whole bunch because I already had Russ, and Efraim didn't like me anyway. Sorry Elena, I hope you still love me.

The rest of the summer I had my mom to help with all my kids and when I got back I was basically third trimester so I blamed everything purely on pregnancy.

All of this to record my memory of this pregnancy and to explain why I feel so fabulous. I am tired, yes. Normal, just had a newborn who doesn't sleep through the night kind of tired. But my energy throughout the day? It's normal. But normal is such a far cry from where I was at, it feels astronomical.

Thank you, modern medicine, for the iron infusions that are now, 7 weeks later, very much in effect. And thank you, varicose veins for not aching anymore (well, except one). I feel so happy every single morning walking my kids to school, the sun is shining, the weather is a perfect 60 degrees (75 in the afternoon when we are walking) and I am so amazed at how *good* our bodies can feel!

Now when I start working out in a week, and I realize how pathetic and out of shape I've become in the 6 months since my half marathon, I'll write another blog post singing an entirely different tune. Ha.

Tub time with Russ

We'll just stick this post in here because he is hilarious and I love how happy and animated and fun this boy is!

"Mom, help me!"

18 months is seriously one of the best stages. They are just so FUN!

Gracie in December- 1 to 2 weeks old

Perfection. Little tiny humans are just so. much. perfection.

haha soft and squishy baby

I love how you can tell she has siblings--sharing their unicorns with her! Also this tiny nightgown has been my absolute favorite thing ever for Gracie. It just makes me die of cuteness every time I put it on her.

Her hair is already thinning out. But it was CRAZY thick at first!

Russ talks to her in this high-pitched itty bitty voice that just melts my heart. He loves her so, so much. Whenever he wants to hold her he comes running up, sits down with his legs out in front, and holds out his arms saying "Uhn, uhh, uhn." I am so happy that he loves her so much!

She looks good in red. Sweet Christmas baby!

I just love her. It is really just killing my heart knowing how fast she is going to grow!

Happy 2 weeks in the world baby Grace!

Saying goodbye to my mom never made it onto my blog. It's because she left on Christmas Eve so I was posting about Christmas instead. I'm glad I had Olivia coming, or mom leaving would have been much more emotional. When mom leaves I usually cry for days, haha. When my mom comes to help you after having a baby, there is nobody more amazing than her. Because we had such a crazy couple of days at the hospital BEFORE having Grace, we really needed help. Sterling couldn't take any time off and we'd already pretty much exhausted all of our options around here for people that could handle four young children (we have a really geriatric ward). Like I said on Gracie's birth post, she showed up and immediately started breakfast, school drop offs and pickups, swimming lessons, helping with homework, dinner, bedtime routines, etc. She helped me get ready to take Grace to her first pediatric appointment and made us fudge and caramels for Christmas. I wish she could have stayed forever! She loves my kids more than anyone else and works really hard so that I can take it easy. Thank you so much mom! I almost want to have another baby immediately so that she can come again, haha!

Christmas 2018!!!!

Our little nativity. Joseph, Mary, and a teeny tiny baby Jesus.

Molly was the angel and repeated all the declarations. It was so adorable.

We sang lots of Christmas songs. It was really fun to have the kids old enough to know a lot of them and their tunes to have the whole family singing. I love Christmas!

Santa spoiled everyone rotten! They have been painting in their coloring books and using Russ's tub markers to color in the tub, too! These kids LOVE coloring and Santa knew exactly what kind of coloring books everyone would like. Will already has a LOAD of dinosaur paintings hanging above his bed from his. I love that he likes to hang up EVERYTHING he does on his wall.

Santa came and it just looks SOOOOO magical!

Ruthie came in twice, Will came in once (but that was before we were asleep) and Molly came in super early and ended up in our bed with us. Eventually around 6am (or maybe 530?) Russ woke up so we decided we'd see what Santa brought!

Baby Grace got the very first present, after all the excitement of stockings (which, after awhile I thought we wouldn't ever make it opening presents because they were SOOOOOOOO excited about their stockings! It made me so happy that all the little things and traditions made them soooo happy!).

Molly was so excited to get an Elena doll. She loves Elena--she already had Elena shoes, an Elena purse, and an Elena nightgown.

Will was so excited about this dinosaur. But I loved how he waited patiently for everyone else to open their presents and still was super excited as he opened it.

Wearing her new clip-on earrings from her stocking.

Russ was very serious on Christmas mornings, haha, but he did like his fire truck, mostly because it makes noise.

Santa's present surprised Ruthie--in a good way. Her face was priceless, she was so excited!!!

Make-up! She has worn it pretty much every day and put it on pretty much everyone! Her happy smile was the best!

He named his dinosaur William and puts him in clothes and sleeps with him. It's the best.

Gracie's little doll for her very first Christmas!

Poor kid got strapped in his high chair for the duration of opening presents because he's a little demon boy. But he still got in on all the fun, chocolate, and present opening.

Will was THRILLED that mom and dad got him an adventurer set and vest to put all his new exploring tools. It was the greatest.

A unicorn necklace!!!!

Molly had Will's name for sibling gifts and got him this blue dragon. He loves blue and dragons are tied for first with dinosaurs, so this was a total win. So cute!

Mom got us all an electric griddle. She bought it while she was here and hid it under my bed, wrapped. I think she saw the sorry state of ours while she was here. Nobody was quite as excited as me for this present. It is awesome!

Everyone in their dress-up from mom and dad. I LOVE kids!!! And Christmas!!!

Ruthie got Grace the rainbow unicorn as her sibling gift. I think Grace likes it :)