Everyone told me that having a baby would be NOTHING like babysitting my nieces and nephews. I completely disagree. It's pretty similar. The first two weeks I kept feeling like some parent should be coming to pick up my baby any time....until I realized that I WAS the parent! Oh yeah. But I am somewhat unique because I have thirty four nieces and nephews, and my baby made number 35 for grandkids on my side of the family. My oldest niece was born when I was eight. I have babysat all of them here and there, but pretty much nannied(sp?) my oldest sister's kids since I can remember. They did live in Germany and Memphis for a while, but they moved back in time for me to babysit through high school. I remember when I was in fourth grade and the highlight of my day was walking home, and my mom (who babysat some afternoons) would have Danica at the window of our house so I could wave and wave at her and she'd wave back as I walked the last little bit to our house. I understood before having my own baby that getting up in the night for the rest of my life was a lot different than getting up in the night for one night of babysitting and then going home. But motherhood is just like that...continual. But not really different.
The main difference from babysitting is that she'sMINE. She's my little one forever. I get to take her home with me. I get to take all the pictures. I get to be the one who knows how to make her smile, how to calm her down, what she likes and doesn't like. And that's the wonderful part.
So the hardest transition? I came upon the thought of time. This was probably a harder transition for me when I graduated from college. I've heard similar experiences from girls who got married and moved to DC for an internship and sat at home while their husbands were busy all day--and they lived for the weekends when they could go exploring the city with their husbands.(Have you ever taken the five love languages test? Mine is time.-along with words of affirmation-When your husband is studying all the time and working part-time, it doesn't leave a lot of time for you. Luckily, we started what we call "15-minute Lindsay time" and whenever I feel especially forgotten I can pull that card, and he stops everything, and stops focusing on school, and puts all his attention to me. And thats all I really need.)I was used to a VERY busy schedule, and all the sudden I was graduated, looking for a job, and had a very busy husband. I was lonely, but more than that, I felt like I wasn't accomplishing anything, and it made me very unhappy with life. I got better at understanding myself and filling my time with things that didn't require a letter grade of approval at the end. And then I got a lot of sub jobs until I was almost working full time. Then I got pregnant, and continued working four days a week and felt like I was busy and fulfilled. Then I had a baby.
On a hike a little while ago with my sister she said "When hiking with children you have to keep in mind that the end of the hike is not the goal, the goal is for the kids to enjoy themselves, and if you make it to the end, its just a bonus." That is how I have discovered is the best way to think of every single day with a baby. You have your list of things to do, but if you don't get it done because you spend two hours staring at your baby and smiling at her to get her to smile, and cuddling with her tiny little body beside you...it doesn't really matter. Because you've experienced the most important things for that day. And I don't have the problem that I had before of not feeling like I accomplished anything---because taking care of a baby IS accomplishing something, even if its not what you had on your to-do list. So it might take three trips to the store to get everything you need because she's fussy and you decide to just go home for the moment, or it might take a few nights to get all the dishes done, or you might not make a dinner every night for your husband...but its really ok. Especially on the two days that I work, I usually come home and hold her all evening.And that took a little bit of transitioning to feel ok with. Definitely there are things that have to get done, and its probably a good thing not to spend every waking minute with your baby, but its just a shift of how you think of time from before having a baby. Motherhood is just like the rest of life...wonderful and sometimes difficult but always incredibly worth it.
3 comments:
Lindsey, thank you so much for posting this! I always feel defeated when my to-do list isn't all crossed off at the end of the day. I feel like I should be able to do everything. It's very reassuring to know that someone else is going through the very same thing and that it's okay to hold your baby for an hour rather than doing the dishes. :)
Beautifully said Lindsey! I so can't wait to be a mom!
I think you should have your husband's dinner ready you lazy bum! Derek
Oh wait just kidding, you didn't see this did you honey(brooke).
Post a Comment