Thursday, February 20, 2014

25 yrs old and 4 yrs wiser

February is always a rather busy month for us. I don't mind--it's the month that always drags and everyone just wishes would be over so spring can come, but instead we have lots of exciting things happening! Will turned one. We had our four year anniversary. We celebrated Valentine's Day. And I turned 25. Yup. 25. I was chatting away at one of my patients a couple of weeks ago (yes, I chat away at my patients) about this very topic. He thought I must get gypped with everything happening in so short of a time frame. Sterling often worries about the same thing. I actually think the opposite. I feel like we do BIGGER things because we have so much all at once, so it makes us feel like we should do something besides just dinner and a movie.

This year I told Sterling we needed a get-away because it's been a rough first trimester and no kids sounded like heaven-also we worked on every single one of the afore-mentioned days. I didn't really give him an option (although, I promise, he loved the idea too!) so he went ahead and booked a bed and breakfast, cleared his weekend, I got a babysitter and we have been waiting excitedly for this weekend. But then Sterling got nervous that wasn't enough. So on Valentine's Day he brought home one beautiful long-stemmed rose for me and one for Ruthie, as well as gum balls for her and chocolate-covered strawberries for me. The perfect gift. Then for my birthday he bought me a memory card for my camera. My old one only let me have about 300 pictures and with my new camera taking multiple pictures a second-it feels like-that was just not quite cutting it. Another perfect gift. Then on my actual birthday I had to work, but he let me sleep in, made me breakfast (which I couldn't eat, but its the thought that counts!), cleaned the entire house while I was at work, had dinner on the table complete with cake and whipped cream and strawberries. Delish. Then we watched a Doc Martin and fell asleep at 9:30pm as per our typical. Pretty much the best day of my life. I am so spoiled.

So the point of this post was supposed to be about hitting the 4 yr anniversary mark and turning 25. (I just accidentally typed 35. Wow. That was a jump.) It feels crazy that we've been married for four years, but also normal. I mean, I'm expecting our third so…it's only logical that we've been married four years. I mean, its a little crazy its ONLY been four years when you put it that way.

We had a conversation the other day while taking a beautiful Sunday drive (so Ruth would take an afternoon nap) that basically revolved around the idea that marriage and parenting is hard. That conversation might have begun because Ruth recently turned into a demon. Yeah. Not that we weren't warned. Not that I think we were incredibly naive (I'd heard poo-smear stories from at least two of my sisters, I had contemplated those and similar events, I mean I do have 40 nieces and nephews). It's not that it was that hard to catch throw-up in my cupped hands and do similar mothering things. But there's a difference between individual incidents and every day. I always said that's the one thing I couldn't prepare for with kids. There's also a difference between knowing it won't be easy, and then LIVING the hard stuff. This year has been hard. We were so tired all the time. Will was in the hospital. Sterling was in San Fransisco. Then Kirksville. Then Denver. Then Miami. He applied to medical school, interviewed, stressed. He worked two jobs and went to school. Then he worked one job 70 hours in one week and did school the next week for a semester. I had a baby, I worked some, then picked up more. We were tired a lot. We saw each other very little.

And yet, it is good. All I know is that after all the hard stuff I am so glad that it is Sterling I am married to. That I listened to that strong feeling I had when I was chatting with Sterling outside my brother Wyatt's apartment (right before Wyatt called out his window that we were too noisy and we should go home and go to bed. Always good to have chaperones, right?) that told me I needed to marry Sterling. I love thinking back on that moment and remembering the absolute certainty I felt. I still feel that way. And I am so thankful for the knowledge that we'll be married forever. Marriage is hard. Parenting is hard. Yet, it has been an incredible four years.

As far as being twenty-five. Twenty-four was weird. I never remembered how old I was. I literally had to count it out from one of my sibling's or my husband's age every. single. time. someone asked me how old I was. I don't think that will be a problem with 25. I mean, it's a pretty easy number. I thought I would feel old or something with the number 25. But it actually makes me feel like I am the right age for where I'm at in life. It would be weird to be any younger and have three kids. Not that I couldn't have done that had I been married earlier. But I wasn't. So it feels right. I feel liked I've lived 25 years and have done enough things that I don't have any regrets about it. I've learned a lot. About my job and feeling so competent as a hygienist, about how incompetent I'll always feel as a mother (those pinterest lists that say "how to know when you're ready for kids" are such a joke), about being married and about myself! I've learned enough in 25 years to realize that it takes a LONG time to learn all the important life stuff. Which is why they say wisdom comes with age. Not that I'm welcoming anymore hard life lessons, just that I'm ok with being 25. It seems like a solid age. But lets not talk about 26...


Aleesha Burke said...

Or 30! Let's not ever be 30. I don't need the wisdom. ;) Way to get through the hard stuff and be stronger. Our families are worth every crazy moment. Love you!

jessica said...

I loved 25 but 26 was the HARDEST for me! Just the sound of it seemed old. It was closer to 30 than 20! but 27 is great. Age is so funny!!