I feel like I do not have time to appreciate how wonderfully beautiful previous moments of my life have been. And before I appreciate the magic of life, life has moved callously on and such sweet moments will never again be recaptured.
I suppose this is a melancholy mood-but I just wish to rejoice more fully in the sunshine. I think back to the quote I've found to be so true "beautiful hours move so quickly." In this particular moment of retrospection, I can feel my yearning for progression in life's 'seasons'---yet the pull of my childhood whispers the warning that once lost, this time will never be replaced. In a few years I will never be a young, single, college student again. Life will never be so solely focused upon me ever again. Completed assignments, looming tests, impossible clinical skills, late night parties with groups of friends---these will be all too quickly moments passed by. Will I be glad that I appreciated them and wish the hours hadn't move by quite so quickly?
What is so heart-breaking about life is that a moment once past can never be recaptured. Even a treasured moment passes and is only a memory. Are we supposed to continue so quickly with the changing moments so that we can appreciate each one? How can we focus on each moment when it is only a moment? Are some moments supposed to be disguised by sadness so that reflection on past treasured times can occur? Is that what wisdom is? And what makes it so foreboding? Is that why we fear the future? because the present is so great and we know we'll soon forget? The frailties of the human mind are certainly cruel---but maybe in the same regard they are are kind--so the past does not seem so sharp and only soft pain is felt in its passing. If perfect memory was retained, moving on might be too harsh of an experience.
Nothing is so constant as change--but teach me how then, to forget my love of the past sufficiently enough to embrace the future with no reservations. Can this be a wisdom taught---or is that something that can only be experienced with the bitter-sweet time of age? Loving life so completely is, like all loves, cruel. It causes a tear in the soul when you love the last moment as much as the future moment. Can life ever be truly joyful when it is built upon such a melancholy foundation? What was once a pleasantly-planned future has become all too suddenly an all-encompassing present. I'm too young for this transformation!
But I have been told that I cannot have roots and wings. The only requirement is courage.
3 comments:
I thought it was interesting that more that one person mentioned/talked about enjoying life as it comes in General Conference. It has also made me think about this. Everyday I have Elder Worthlin's mother's phrase echoing in my head, "Come what may and love it." It is so hard to remember this amongst our trials and complaints, but I think it is very beneficial and necessary to our growth and satisfaction in life.
You best look forward and in enjoy every minute--future, present, or past. Especially on Friday! :)
and when you eat peaches.
you write beautifully dear :)
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